New Work Strategy

Three days ago I committed to a new “work strategy”. The strategy is basically this: While I am at my desk I am going to work and when I am done with my day’s worth of work I am going do something else. So instead of doing 6 hrs of work in 8 hrs I am going do it in 6 hrs and get the fuck out of there. This may sound like I am being lazy. Yet, I sure that every single person can look at what you did at work today and find a way to do all of it and probably considerably more in 75% of the time. Here are the time saving strategies I have implemented so far for myself:

1) Stop wasting time surfing the web all day. I notice that I mindlessly check Espn.com, Myspace, BeastTube.com, hotdogandfriends.com, hoboboobies.wordpress.com, and several other sites over and over through out the day. Now I am not saying I am giving up filling my brain with useless information, I am just going to check them once in the morning before I start working and once at the end of the day before I leave. The actual time spent checking these sites is substantial, yet the biggest efficiency gained is in regard to the reduction of mental downtime going between working, surfing the web, and getting back work. Even if I only look at the site for 30 seconds there is a 2 to 3 minute mental funk before I actually get back into work mode.

2) Email- Only check my email 4 times a day (First thing, before lunch, 2 pm, and 4:30 pm). Also when I check my email respond to all of the emails I am going to respond to. Same efficiency theory here. Email is a really important part of my job, but it is also the main inefficiency in my work day. I will be working on something important then I will get an email and drop my task. Then I will send off my email and mentally wonder off for a while. Then I get back to my task and I work for a few minutes till I get another email and drop my task again. In the end I have spent 2 hrs doing a 30 minute tasks and answering 30 minutes of emails.

3) Organize a List of Tasks- Before I start my day I am going to lay out every task I want to get done for the day. Then I am going to number them and start at the top of the list and complete each task before moving on. This will make sure I don’t waste time on less important tasks just because they are easier or less boring. This will assure I actually do the difficult or boring tasks. This plan will also layout everything I want to get done for the day and be a good barometer of when my work day is complete.

4) Knowing that I don’t have to be at work (most important one) – This is an option that unfortunately most people do not have at work. The beauty of being my own boss and a private contractor is that I get paid for what I do not the time I spend doing it. Forcing people to be at work a set amount of time is one of the great inefficiencies in our current cooperate system (see my last post about why 30 hr work days). Yet that social conditioning is really hard to escape. So often in the past I have always stayed at work until 6:00 pm everyday because I felt like I should. I felt like I was being lazy if I left early. Yet in reality the realization that I don’t have to be here seems to me to be an incredible catalyst to actual productivity. The reason most people aren’t very efficient is because it doesn’t matter how much they get done they still have to be at the office X amount of hours. Is there any wonder why people spend 2 hrs a day looking at their fantasy baseball team?
- So far so good. I honestly feel like I have had 3 of my most productive days of 2008 since implementing the strategy. Also I have put about 5 hrs of time into things I actually care about. Instead of just wasting my newly created free time I am going to try and focus it on coming up with a future for myself (and possibly others* who are brave/foolish enough to take the plunge out of the convention along me.) I will keep you updated with the progress.

My favorite idea so far: Start an eco-lodge on the beach in Panama with a bunch of my close friends. I think the idea would work if we don’t go into it with the plan of making money, just to live and enjoy life as much as possible. I will present all the logistics and details when I finish business plan.

*as long as you aren’t stupid or annoying

Europeans…

… are these guys cooler than us? There is a trend developing that everyone thinks Europeans are better than Americans. I understand that the Euro actually has value, they have ”free healthcare”, the get to take naps every day, they get to wear capris, and Eric Levine doesn’t live there. I still think we are better.

First, David Hasselhoff is popular in Europe. I think I read that that guy was like #1 on the European charts for a while. No matter how shitty Americans can be, at least we all know that that guy sucks bad.

Second, Melissa knows this European guy, and he eats sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner – and claims that that is normal in Europe. I like a good sandbo as much as the next guy, but that’s kind of wierd, isn’t it?

Third, from what I can tell, there arn’t very many skyscrapers in Europe.

Fourth, all good movies are made in America. I haven’t actually seen any foreign films, but it seems like they suck.

Fifth, I read in a history textbook once that one of the reasons we were successful in the Revolutionary war is that Americans are actually significantly bigger/more powerful than English people. I think we all respect the fact that power=cool? Greenberg?

Sixth, I believe www.beasttube.com was created in America.

I am a pretty generic American guy, and I am pretty sure that I am quite a bit sweeter than a generic piece of European trash.

Corey – feel free to make your post right on top of mine b/c I don’t know if this one is really going anywhere.

No more than 30 Hr Work Week

My Claim: Human beings should not be working more than 30 hrs a week.

Our human life is so incredibly short the fact we squander so much of it performing our various meaningless professions is a true tragedy in my opinion. I have worked more than 30 hrs in week on occasion and I have to say from personal experience it is a complete waste of time. It is a waste of time on two levels. Firstly it is waste of my valuable time as a human being. As I mentioned a few sentences ago life is short and you I see it as my duty to attempt to enjoy it as much as possible. I find work to be huge deterrent to me fully enjoying my life. Imagine if each day instead of 2 extra hrs of work you took 2 hrs to try to enjoy life. Maybe you went for hike in the forest, read a great book, or perhaps just watched 15 videos of people fucking animals (beasttube.com). Honestly wouldn’t those two hours of personal enjoyment time make a world of difference in your state of mind?

Besides just wasting my time it is also wasting my employer’s time. The human brain can only handle a certain amount of work per week (my calculations come out to about 7.5 hrs per day 4 days a week). The rest of the time the mind is just fucking off. Even if you are doing shit for work you aren’t doing it efficiently, your spacing off thinking about fucking the girl down the hall or who to play on your fantasy football team. You can’t work at top productivity 60 hrs a week, it is impossible! Though this may be very hard to believe I am actually a pretty prolific employee. Do I work a lot of hrs, not really? Do I even care about my job, not one bit? How am I able to be so productive you might ask? The answer is short busts of super efficiency brought on by my self imposed lenient work schedule. If I know I am going to be playing golf Tuesday morning and taking Friday off there is built in incentive to get as much done as possible when I’m at my desk. I really don’t consider myself lazy; a lazy person just doesn’t do anything. I am always doing something (fly fishing, hiking, or watching videos of girls having sex with horses at my favorite website Beasttube.com), the fact that I chose to do all my work related activities in a shorter span of time just means I am efficient. Efficiency should be rewarded not destroyed by standard mandatory hourly work schedules. I have worked 60 hrs in week a time or two and I have also had my share of 25 hr work weeks and to be honest I got just about the same amount done.

What is my point you might ask, I think it is pretty clear I probably don’t have one in this case. Just stop showing up for work on Friday and see if your life doesn’t take a strong turn for the better. And by better of course I mean you will be immediately fired and free to fully enjoy Beasttube.com 24 hrs a day!!!

Beast Tube! (warning:animal videos below*) *you wish, pervert

Editor’s note: wordpress keeps track of how many people come to this website and what they search for to find it. Besides the 6 of us that usually check it and the few lurker friends of ours who don’t comment but for some reason like to watch us mindlessly argue about shit we don’t know about, the overwhelming majority of traffic comes here via google searches for… you guessed it: beasttube, beastube and beast tube. A few weeks back I wrote a little piece about godtube.com (which actually gives beasttube a run for its money in the creepiness category) and the other tube.com websites and happened to mention beasttube.com. That’s when the degenerate flood gates opened. Because of that one post a month ago, these are the web searches that directed people to our site yesterday, searches for:

beasttube	12
beast tube	3
most listened to music in 1999	1
like beasttube	1
beasttube where	1
beasttube like	1
similar to beasttube	1
beasttube free movie share	1
beasttube archive	1
beasttube similar	1

I honestly don’t know exactly why people are searching for beasttube and then coming to our site, but I find it very amusing, they are like the (hilarious) bastard children of the internet. Just in case they were looking for a detailed history of the site. Here it is.

Greetings, deviants. My statistics show about 20 of you will read this today. It is disturbing to think there are that many of you here in one place. I would say that you should all be ashamed of yourself, but who am I to judge you and your animal loving ways. I mean, its not like you guys are starting wars or anything (thats right, im looking at you www.godtube.com). Instead I will sarcastically hint at you being creepy scumbags, but as long as you’re not hurting anyone I say suck that donkey dick and pay that hooker to get screwed by that dog. Everyone wins right there right? Animal cruelty? Where?. That looks like the happiest horse I have ever seen involved in an accidental human death due to penetration of the large intestine. And now without further ado, I give you all what you came for: BEAST TUBE!!!!

The year was 2006 and as Christmas approached the animal fuckers, excuse me, I mean those who engage in Zoophilia, would get quite surprise when they scoured the internet for picture of pony penises. Archive.org tells me it was December 10^th , 2006 when it found beasttube.com and cached a screen shot of this increasingly popular website. The following is from The Wayback Machine’s timeline of the site:

• By December 30^th, it already had a fancy login and a Web2.0 feel with over 12 videos on the website. They had come quite a long way.

• By the end of March they were selling advertisements to webcowdvds.com among others. I wonder if the entrepreneurs of the site were into beastiality or just shrewd capitalists, looking to be the next webvan.com?

• But alas! By May what had come so quickly, was gone. There was only a simple text version of the page and no videos, hardly worthy of its URL. And then, sometime after August 2007, it started linking to vho.com, a plain old boring human porno site.

What happened to the original internet beastiality video sharing community? Did the IRS take them out for tax fraud? Was the webmaster killed in Enumclaw or sued into oblivion by PETA? The world may never know. For now, you must search on, for your beloved site does not exist, but lucky for you the internet is a creepy place. GOOD LUCK!

Conclusion: This is pretty much a gimme as far as blog stats go and I plan on smashing our previous record of 12 people viewing our site in one day, but after over an hour researching and writing about it- OK well over 2 hrs as I now go through editing – , I know far more than I ever wanted to about that site. I look forward to letting you know how many more searches we have after this post. Perverts: feel free to discuss your thoughts on our site below. After this post (and subsequent commenting) I swear I will not joke about beast tube anymore.

Literary Thought of The Week (Part 2)

Last weeks “Literary Thought of the Week” is a little late.

The section of literature is from Henry David Thoreau’s “Walden”. The book is an account of Thoreau’s experience living for 2 years in a cabin he built himself on Walden Pond in 1845. His main objectives for his stay were a life of simplicity and self reliance. By taking himself out of society he was able to look at life from a more objective prospective. The idea of living in nature is one of the concepts I am most retardedly passionate about. There seems to be something true and transcendent about experiencing the world free of all the retardation of society (more on that in a subsequently titled post, “why I am going to die alone in Alaska”)

I started reading this book a little after Christmas this year. There is no book I have ever been more excited about after the first chapter. Yet, after the first chapter I don’t think I have ever had a book that I had more trouble getting through. The first and last chapters were some of the most influential and relevant philosophy I have ever read. The 200 pages in-between those chapters are filled with very long winded descriptions of the simple and arguably boring life he led. The book is fairly arduous, but it wasn’t the difficulty that made it hard. What made it hard seemed to be the fact I could not read more than 2 pages without immediately falling asleep. I still feel like I got a lot out of the book even though it took forever to read (over 2 months for 250 pages). Enough about the fascinating tale of me reading a book.

Here is a paragraph from Walden that I thought was pretty sweet:

“When we consider what, to use the words of the catechism, is the chief end of man, and what are the true necessaries and means of life, it appears as if men had deliberately chosen the common mode of living because they preferred it to any other. Yet they honestly think there is no choice left. But alert and healthy natures remember that the sun rose clear. It is never too late to give up our prejudices. No way of thinking or doing, however ancient, can be trusted without proof. What every body echoes or is silence passes by as true to-day may turn out to be false-hood to-morrow, mere smoke of opinion, which some had trusted for a cloud that would sprinkle fertilizing rain on their fields. What old people say you cannot do you try and find that you can. Old deeds for old people, and new deeds for new. Old people did not know enough once, perchance, to fetch fresh fuel to keep the fire a-going; new people put a little dry wood under a pot, and are whirled round the globe with the speed of birds, in a way to kill old people , as the phrase is. Age is no better, hardly so well, qualified for an instructor as youth, for it has not profited so much as it has lost. One may almost doubt if the wisest man has learned any thing of absolute value in living. Practically, the old have no very important advice to give the young, their own experiences has been so partial, and their lives have been such miserable failures, for private reasons, as they must believe; and it may be that they have some faith left which belies that experience; and they are only less young than they were. I have lived some thirty years on this planet, and I have yet to hear the first syllable of valuable or even earnest advice from my seniors. They have told me nothing, and probably cannot tell me any thing, to the purpose. Here is life, an experiment to a great extent untried by me; bit does not avail me that they have tried it. If I have any experience which I think valuable, I am sure to reflect that this my Mentor said nothing about.”

Well I think Thoreau did a wonderful job explaining some of the strange idiosyncrasies of life in old timey vernacular. I will just throw in a few thoughts I had while rereading it just for good measure.

The beginning hits a pretty interesting idea of how people follow the social norms. A lot of his book is about doing something different with life and experiencing something outside the standard way of life. He makes a really good point that people do choose a common mode of living because they prefer it to any other. The problem though is that people completely discount the fact that there are other options out there. The standard 9 to 5, wife and 2 kids may be a good options for a lot of people, but it is not the only option available. When I think about life I often feel compelled to do something different with my life just for the pure science of it, just to see how it works out. I don’t know a single person on this planet who has not followed the standard life path. I absolutely love the line “Here is life, an experiment to a great extent untried by me”

My second thought is just about the latter part of the paragraph were he goes into how he has not learned anything from his seniors. I really tend to agree with him on this matter. I don’t mean that in the sense of old people are completely retarded (which is certainly a reasonable idea to vigorously support), but in the fact that life is not something to be learned from anyone, it is something to be experienced. Everything I feel actual conviction about in my life is something that I have in someway personally experienced.

Overall Thoreau has some pretty cool ideas and was way ahead of his time as a thinker. To be honest though I cannot in good conscious give my seal of recommendation to the book “Walden” as a whole, or now that I think about it to this post for that matter.

Bonus quote: (this is my favorite quote in the world and my informal life motto, also from Henry David Thoreau’s “Walden”)

“I learned at least this by my experiments. That if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”

Well I hope my two Indian fans enjoyed my second attempt to show how fucking awesome it is to read books. I promise it is back to embelished drug stories for my next post.