Archive for July, 2008

10 Things That Don’t Make Sense To Me (#3)

Posted in CoJo with tags , , , , on Thursday, July 24 by Cojo

#3- The incredible effect put into making people live longer and longer. Whenever you see any medical research it is invariably about some way to cure some disease or cancer in the name of extending human life. This certainly seems like a noble cause, doesn’t it? To put it simply No. In the little world that goes on inside my head this seems to be a huge waste of both time and money. In an effort to explain my train of thought I will attempt to make one of those geometric proof we learned in 9th grade.

1) People over the age of 70 are fucking miserable (FACT)*
2) Current medical research efforts are increasing your chances of living beyond 70 (FACT)
3) Therefore, Current medical research is conduit a of misery
4) Misery is widely considered to be a negative trait in our current society (FACT)
5) Things that create negative traits should be avoided (FACT)
6) Therefore, Current medical research should be avoided

#

Now that this is undeniably proven you may wonder what I would suggest we use our research on. Well that answer is simple: Anything to make you enjoy your 69.999 yrs on this earth as much as possible and secondly humane/hilarious methods of killing yourself at 11:59 on the eve before your 70th birthday.

A few suggestions for enjoying life more…new much crazier drugs, more of those adult go-karts at a more affordable price, new sexual orifices for chicks (stolen from Stanhope), Ice Cream nachos (stolen from Lawson).

I think I may actually sorta belief this shit; have I finally lost my mind?

* You could also do the same proof with: People over the age of 70 are huge fucking drains on our economy and standard of living. A play on the old Eskimo trick of just kicking the old people out of the village when they started getting annoying.

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internet cafes

Posted in City with tags on Monday, July 21 by City

some pictures

i cant embed a slideshow, here is the link

http://picasaweb.google.com/parkermontgomery/Ireland02

and other pictures here:

Ireland & Scotland 2008

The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters

Posted in CoJo with tags , , , , , , on Thursday, July 17 by Cojo

A few nights ago I was just about to go to sleep when I stumbled upon a film entitled “The King of Donkey Kong, A fist full of quarters”. All hopes of getting a good nights sleep were soon thrown right out the window. For the next 2 hrs I was completely glued to my TV like never before. When it was finally over it was 2AM and I my life was completely changed.

PLEASE do yourself a favor and watch this film. Here is the basic premise. The film centers on 2 rival “gamers” that in 2006 are trying to set the all-time high score in the seemingly irrelevant original Donkey Kong arcade game. You have a classic battle between Good and Evil.

The antagonist of the film- Billy Mitchell.

Arguably the worlds most famous competitive gamer. You might know him as the first man ever to get a perfect score on Pacman, or more likely you might not know him at all. I don’t know want to ruin the movie for you but think of if Lucas Wunsch fucked Lucas Wunsch and had a kid. That kid would be Billy Mitchell.

A few fun facts about Billy

-He always wears an American flag tie (he has his reasons…which you will have to watch the film to find out)
-Mitchell was voted “Dweebus Maximus Dorkus of both the 20th and 21st centuries”.
-He has a minion of loyal followers who are somehow ever dorkier than him.

The protagonist of the film is mild mannered Steve Wiebe.

A complete life failure who cries quite a bit. After you get to know him you really can’t help but route for this pathetic family man. He has honestly failed at everything he has ever done in his entire life, but he has one last chance to vindicate his existence on this planet. You guessed it the 1970’s arcade game DONKEY KONG!!!!!!!!!!!!

Greatest Rush chairs of All-time

Posted in Big Dog with tags , , , on Thursday, July 17 by KevinLHinton

I am going to go ahead and rate the most powerful rush trios in Delta Chi history. And by all of Delta Chi history I mean the 5 years I am aware of.  

 

Being a rush chairman is the ultimate honor that can be bestowed upon a fraternity gentleman. What are the qualifications? Basically, your fraternity brothers have to think that other people will think you are cool.

 

So here it goes:

 

#5 – Spencer Morgan, David Ryder, and Trevor Wade

 

A pretty ragtag group from the get go. A team that lacked money management skills, organization, work ethic, and ability.

 

Spendawg was the really the most reliable member of the group which is a pretty strong indication of their weakness. Really only appeals to a niche group of rushees, but does make a strong impact in his demographic. He also owned a car. I’ll give him a B.

 

David Ryder is a solid guy, but really a throwaway pick at the rush chair position. The laid back chill dude personality translates into poor work ethic and lack of charisma. Really a solid brother outside of his element. Grades out as a C.

 

Trevor appears to have all the tools to be a solid rush chairman. Easy to talk too, probably the coolest friend I have, knows hot chicks, knows lots of cool people, athletic, loves to party. In the end though, probably too cool for school. Hot chicks took precedent over rushees, and college football drafts on playstation took precedent over cleaning the house. Also, to proud to pretend he likes kids that suck – which is essential to round out that rush class in September. Lastly, I am pretty sure that Trevor wasn’t even enrolled at school at the time, which was kind of weird. I give Trevor a C.

 

Overall: Solid group of guys that just were not destined to lead summer rush. Final #’s on the class was about 15 guys I think? But like 7 of which were those fags from King’s highschool (McPherson land) that destroyed our house and left after one week. I think that pledge class ended up being about 9 dudes, who were all pretty solid and stuck together for all 4 years. Also, they spent about $5,000 more than they were supposed too, mostly on drugs. If we were ranking them on how cool they are to hang out with they would probably get an A, but as rush chairs I’ll give them a C+.

 

#4 – Dan Baker, Dave Baker, Brian Vennable

 

A pretty strange year. These guys signed some allstars before summer even started, including hoboboobies favorites Cojo, Ralston, Greenberg, Cole, etc. They stalled in the end though, and had to round out a somewhat dissapointing 15 man class with guys like Jon Ng.

 

Dan Baker is my big bro and all around solid dude. The leader of the group, and in general has solid stats as a rush chair. I think everybody enjoys his company and he seems to have his head on his shoulders. I’ll give him a B+.

 

Everybody has their Baker preference, and I have always been a Dan guy. I think that Dave has his niche though. Either one of these guys could probably be an A on their own, but 2 Bakers is one too many on a rush team, and they both grade out as a B+.

 

Brian Vennable – Too eccentric and emotional to be a reliable rush chairman. A workhorse one day and completely absent or emotional or fighting the next. B-.

 

Overall – I think this team just got cocky. Solid group that should have done better. My guess is that although good guys, they probably came across as a little old for the 18 year old crowd as they drank their fancy beers with Brian Martin in 3rd old. Rush chairs need a passion for cheep beer and chasing chicks. Anyone of these guys has the potential to do big things, but they needed a wildcard thrown in. Overall a B.

 

#3 Ian Hargus, Nate Welch, and Clint Russell

 

This is a tough group to rate, but you can’t argue with the results. I think they signed about 20 dudes in a very competitive rush environment, many of which were freshman and seemed pretty cool. They had a good mix going where all three hated each other, which I think kept them on their toes.  Plus they had the BigDog playing World of Warcraft by day, and helping rush by night, which didn’t hurt their chances.

 

Hargus is obviously a pretty huge fag, but his approach of doing everything extravagantly I think paid some dividends. Hargus is the ultimate manipulator and bullshitter, which are great qualities in recruiting a bunch of kids with low self-esteem. He was integral in getting some slutty live-in chicks, and overall did a pretty good job. On the other hand, most rushees with any self-respect were almost immediately turned off by Hargus. Also, he was prone to not helping do anything besides hang out, and would disappear sometimes. I’ll give him a B+.

 

Welch – pretty funny, sometimes a hard worker, overall did a pretty good job. He is an asshole, which works out sometimes, and not other times. B+

 

Clint is really the Eric Levine of his class, and I didn’t appreciate his involvement as a rush chair. Rush chair is a position that demand the respect of your brothers. You don’t just give it to a guy because he is responsible and has a plan. What’s next, Lucas Wunch? Anyways, in this scenario I think It worked out ok because the group needed his balance with Hargus involved. Any other year I would say no way – but I’ll give him a B+.

 

Overall a pretty good year #’s wise, and a pretty kick ass summer. They would get an A, but they focused to hard on trying to get cool guys, and in my opinion changed the entire culture of the fraternity into a bunch of fags. Have you hung out with dudes living at the fraternity lately? It is terrible. Overall score is a B+.

 

#2 Kevin Hinton, Corey Johnson, and Parker Montgomery

 

Really the heart and sole of what Delta Chi Fraternity is all about. A rush dream team that put everything they had into a badass summer and rush class.

 

BigDog –  I probably have to downgrade myself from the A+ I truly deserve due to the amount of time spent with my current wife. Some things are more important than rush, okay assholes? But really a true workhorse on the phones, cleaning, ideas, and beloved by all rushees. Absolutely wonderful at pretending to be a party animal frat dude even though I am a boring guy in a committed relationship. A rush chair all-star on any team. Not to mention I signed like 7 dudes in the spring class before. God damn it I rule at rushing. A

 

Cojo –. Could only be downgraded for locking me out of my room to have relations with his girlfriend, and sometimes being a bit of a pessimist, but overcome by being all-around all star. Due to the high score I decline to comment further. Solid job A+

 

Parker provided the conservative/capitalist balance that Corey and I probably needed. Really a zero in personality. Literally had to force him to drink a box of wine before any event. Worked hard and good team member. A Ryan Ingles sign would have put him over the top, but as is gets an A-.

 

17 dudes, lots of freshman, great class, great summer. Really were going after some blue chip recruits that didn’t all come through due to a lack of firepower from the rest of the frat house in amount of cool dudes. Almost assembled the greatest class ever with some of the guys we were going after, but fell a little short at the end and just ended up being an all around great group. Did sign Delta Chi legend Ryan Face. Overall grade is an A.

 

#1 – Loren Buchanan, Trevor Sparks, Adam Siegel

 

I don’t know if you could craft a better group if you could handpick these guys from every class. A true rush Juggernaut.  Signed 21 guys including your truly, Parker, Bobby, Jake the Snake, and a litany of other Delta Chi greats.

 

Loren beautifully portrayed everything a fraternity man could want to be, and I believe was our entire rush classes idol. He was the epitome of cool, and could have signed me up by himself. A+

 

Trevor Sparks will always be the mascot of our fraternity to me. In all respects he was outrageous, and at a young 18 years of age I was fascinated by everything about him. I don’t think I was alone. A+

 

Adam speaks to you with that condescending arrogance that really makes you feel like you have earned something when he offers you a spot in the frat house. He is a powerful Jew, and I was anxious to be associated with him. Plus he had a sweet car, boat, and Jet Ski. I actually might rate Adam as the funniest member in my tenure at the fraternity, and I enjoy everything about him. A+

 

Overall the greatest rush team assembled to my knowledge. They are the reason I am not a Sig Ep or a Delt, and I will be forever grateful. A+

Book Review: “The Road”

Posted in Big Dog with tags , , , , on Wednesday, July 16 by KevinLHinton

As with most great novels, Cormac McCarthy’s “The Road” takes place in post-apocolyptic America. This book is awesome, and you could probably read the entire thing in 5 or 6 hours. I suggest that everybody do so, so that I can confirm that it is sweet. Something about somebody else reading the same book I did and telling me they enjoyed it as well really cements my enjoyment of a book.

This book is written by the same author as “No Country for Old Men”. I haven’t seen that movie, but it appears to also be good, so I assume that it should be taken as an endorsement for this book as well. Additionally, they are already in production of the move for “The Road”, which enhances all book reading experiences when you get to see it come to life on the big screen.

Also, it won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction, so apparently other people like it too. The only bad thing I can say about it is that I think I heard Oprah is a pretty big fan. I didn’t know that Harpo was into post-apocolyptic adventure novels – maybe she is cooler than I thought.

Anyways – read this book.

America > Europe

Posted in Big Dog with tags , , , , on Tuesday, July 15 by KevinLHinton

I gathered enough information in 2 weeks to confirm what I already suspected. Europe is a lot of hype. Some European stereotypes that I found to be true:

– They smell like shit
– They cut in line
– They have no elivator etiquette
– Some women don’t shave their armpits
– They refuse to put ice in your drinks
– Their food doesn’t taste that good
– It is dirty and crowded
– They try to steal you shit
– They try to hard to sleep with my new wife
– They try to sell you worthless shit everywhere – similar to Mexico.
– The streets are filled with dogshit
– They speak poor Engish
– They ruin beautiful historical landmarks with building shitty poverty strucken communities filled with garbage around them.

I assume most people’s love of traveling to these countries is more based upon the fraternity party lifestyle that continues at hostels, and less to do with the dirty, expensive and crowded cities that they visit.

Mostly I am refering to the country of Italy. Spain and France were wonderful. Particularly Barcelona, which is probably the best place in the world to live.

see you in hell Mexico!

Posted in City with tags , on Monday, July 14 by City

begin rant:

Im taking off for a couple weeks, but I just wanted to say that another year comes to pass where I have managed to avoid the siren call of Mexico. Pretty much anything can happen from here on out and I will consider 2008 to be a greeeeat success. At the risk of sounding like an arrogant vacationing asshole, I say, Mexico is a stupid place to go. Can everyone please stop trying to get me to go there… oh and while im at it you too Vegas. full disclosure: ive never been.

Ive been avoiding Mexico since my senior year in high school, when all the hot chicks got the trip as a graduation gift from the travel groups and then convinced everyone else to go to. For whatever reason I didnt, and instead drove to the mysterious and beatiful land of Canada in a camper me and 8 friends bought.

Seriously though, Mexico is like Mordor and everyone is in possession of the One Ring, heeding its dark call. (and yes, that does make Sammy Hagar the dark lord, Sauron). Now I am sure it is a great time and a real relaxing place, but Im also sure that I will enjoy it quite a bit during my inevitable timeshare ownership i’ll somehow obtain. Probably it will come in lieu of my social security payout, or however else everyone gets those things. Look, im not sure how it works, I just know everyone in the US gets one sooner or later.

So I ask the gods to look upon me favorably and allow me to put off Mexico until im 50 and bored as hell with my life and lost all interest in the culture and sights that the other 193 countries of the world have to offer, i’ll beg for forgiveness and ask for nothing more than to be wisked away to margarittaville.

Sorry about all that, but it keeps coming up in conversation and I needed to vent. I take my rediculously low 12 paid days of vacation serioiusly. I feel the need to go “backpacking off the beaten path” to overpriced far-off destinations to “find myself”. OK? Its the only way I have found that I can justify working for the man like I do… ahhh capitalism/consumerism, you are a harsh mistress.

/rant