Archive for Beasttube

Materialism…. WTF

Posted in Big Dog with tags , , , on Wednesday, November 26 by KevinLHinton

I bought a new Nike sweatshirt today. TJ Max, $30. Originally $50. Gray zip up hoody. It is literally just a gray sweatshirt, but I have been beaming all day since I bought this thing. I feel wonderful in it. It is comfortable, it fits well, and looks badass. My day has legitimately been way fucking better than it ever would have been without that sweatshirt.

It is just a sweatshirt though. This happens to me with every purchase I make. I got a new cell phone last weekend – love it. If I get a new pair of shoes I can’t stop wearing them. I immediately want to to show everybody anything I buy and talk about how cool I think it is.

What the fuck is my problem? Consumerism/Materialism seems to be accepted around here as a fundamental evil in our society. Why does it make me so genuinely happy with myself to wear this sweatshirt? Has our society trivialized life so much that my joys in this world come from a hoody from TJ Max now?

The greatest joys in life are:

1. New Experiences 

2. Competitive sports/physical activity

3. Accomplishing something 

4. A good joke/good story/good conversation

 5. buying shit

6. being comfortable/sleeping

7. Eating tasty food/drink  

8. Orgasms

9. Taking a shit

I think that is a pretty comprehensive list of all things in life that bring joy to me. Interestingly, buying things has krept up above sleeping, eating, sex, and pooping.

I probably speak out about how our consumer based society is a piece of garbage as much as anybody, but today I recognized that I am a complete hypocrite. I absolutely love buying new shit.

On another note, I think I will completely give up on trying to buy and fashionable items for clothes. I will now only wear sports apparrel. It is very comfortable and looks nice.

Anyways, I haven’t posted for a while, so I am going with this. I feel as if I have nothing relavent to offer on Parker’s post, although I enjoyed it. Parker – you are turning into a bit of a mad scientist.


Sarah Palin and Joe Biden on Saturday Night Live

Posted in CoJo with tags , , , , , , , on Tuesday, October 7 by Cojo

This is very funny. You know what is not funny is the fact that Tina Fey is actually more qualified to be vice president of the United States of America. Also Jason Sudeikis’ Joe Biden is hilarious.

I can’t figure out a better way to put this video up. Parker please figure this out.

Terrance McKenna

Posted in CoJo with tags , , , , , on Monday, September 8 by Cojo

Terrance Mckenna is to human beings what burning man is to festivals. I didn’t really prescreen these, they just happened to be two videos I watched today at work. If you are interested in unique thinkers you really should spend a few hours and see what Terrance McKenna has to offer…

Book Review: The Power of One

Posted in Big Dog with tags , , , , , on Friday, August 8 by KevinLHinton

I have noticed that when I write up a book review the main drivers of whether I recommend the book or not are: 1. how difficult it is to read and 2. how enjoyable it is.

There are more good books that exist in this world than any of us will have time to read, so I think it is valuable to understand if a book is worth the investment of time that it takes to read it.

From now on I will try to quanitify both difficulty and enjoyability in all book reviews. I will rate both aspects on a 1:10 scale, and I would think you would want at least a 1:1 ratio for a book to be worth your time.

For example, I recently read “The Road”. It was very short and a very simple read, so I’ll rate it a 3. I thought the book was pretty sweet. I’ll give it an 8. A pretty powerful 8:3 ratio. Probably worth everybody here’s time.

As far as “The Power of One” goes – I can’t say I wildly recommend it. Basically it tackles themes of death/racism/religion/the usuals through the eyes of a very likable and innocent young boy growing up in South Africa during World War II. There are a lot of childhood adventures, kind of Tom Sawyer like, with a lot of well described characters and settings. Definetly a well written book. For me, the problem is that the author makes the main character too good at everything. He is like a super athlete and genious, and everything comes annoyingly easy to him. His adventures become repetative and boring because by about the 2nd or 3rd time through it becomes clear that all will end well.

It definetly was an enjoyable read though. I’ll give it a 5.  (by the way, I am rating on a sliding scale from 1 to 10, where 5 is actually a true average. Not like that ice skating bullshit where 9.4 out of 10 isn’t necessarily a good score. 6 means above average in my world, not 6 like 60% F you fail.) (Also, I am an expert book selector, and very rarely read a shitty book. So a 5 to me is the average book that I have read, comming from a population of exceptional books, so I guess you might have to weight my scores to align with your own poor book selection. This is likely a 7 or an 8 in your world)

This book was pretty long. It wasn’t real hard to read, but it wasn’t necesarrily a quick read either. I will give it 7 in difficulty.

The ratio comes in at 5:7. Don’t read this one. “The Road” though… man, that book ruled. Read it.

Greatest Rush chairs of All-time

Posted in Big Dog with tags , , , on Thursday, July 17 by KevinLHinton

I am going to go ahead and rate the most powerful rush trios in Delta Chi history. And by all of Delta Chi history I mean the 5 years I am aware of.  


Being a rush chairman is the ultimate honor that can be bestowed upon a fraternity gentleman. What are the qualifications? Basically, your fraternity brothers have to think that other people will think you are cool.


So here it goes:


#5 – Spencer Morgan, David Ryder, and Trevor Wade


A pretty ragtag group from the get go. A team that lacked money management skills, organization, work ethic, and ability.


Spendawg was the really the most reliable member of the group which is a pretty strong indication of their weakness. Really only appeals to a niche group of rushees, but does make a strong impact in his demographic. He also owned a car. I’ll give him a B.


David Ryder is a solid guy, but really a throwaway pick at the rush chair position. The laid back chill dude personality translates into poor work ethic and lack of charisma. Really a solid brother outside of his element. Grades out as a C.


Trevor appears to have all the tools to be a solid rush chairman. Easy to talk too, probably the coolest friend I have, knows hot chicks, knows lots of cool people, athletic, loves to party. In the end though, probably too cool for school. Hot chicks took precedent over rushees, and college football drafts on playstation took precedent over cleaning the house. Also, to proud to pretend he likes kids that suck – which is essential to round out that rush class in September. Lastly, I am pretty sure that Trevor wasn’t even enrolled at school at the time, which was kind of weird. I give Trevor a C.


Overall: Solid group of guys that just were not destined to lead summer rush. Final #’s on the class was about 15 guys I think? But like 7 of which were those fags from King’s highschool (McPherson land) that destroyed our house and left after one week. I think that pledge class ended up being about 9 dudes, who were all pretty solid and stuck together for all 4 years. Also, they spent about $5,000 more than they were supposed too, mostly on drugs. If we were ranking them on how cool they are to hang out with they would probably get an A, but as rush chairs I’ll give them a C+.


#4 – Dan Baker, Dave Baker, Brian Vennable


A pretty strange year. These guys signed some allstars before summer even started, including hoboboobies favorites Cojo, Ralston, Greenberg, Cole, etc. They stalled in the end though, and had to round out a somewhat dissapointing 15 man class with guys like Jon Ng.


Dan Baker is my big bro and all around solid dude. The leader of the group, and in general has solid stats as a rush chair. I think everybody enjoys his company and he seems to have his head on his shoulders. I’ll give him a B+.


Everybody has their Baker preference, and I have always been a Dan guy. I think that Dave has his niche though. Either one of these guys could probably be an A on their own, but 2 Bakers is one too many on a rush team, and they both grade out as a B+.


Brian Vennable – Too eccentric and emotional to be a reliable rush chairman. A workhorse one day and completely absent or emotional or fighting the next. B-.


Overall – I think this team just got cocky. Solid group that should have done better. My guess is that although good guys, they probably came across as a little old for the 18 year old crowd as they drank their fancy beers with Brian Martin in 3rd old. Rush chairs need a passion for cheep beer and chasing chicks. Anyone of these guys has the potential to do big things, but they needed a wildcard thrown in. Overall a B.


#3 Ian Hargus, Nate Welch, and Clint Russell


This is a tough group to rate, but you can’t argue with the results. I think they signed about 20 dudes in a very competitive rush environment, many of which were freshman and seemed pretty cool. They had a good mix going where all three hated each other, which I think kept them on their toes.  Plus they had the BigDog playing World of Warcraft by day, and helping rush by night, which didn’t hurt their chances.


Hargus is obviously a pretty huge fag, but his approach of doing everything extravagantly I think paid some dividends. Hargus is the ultimate manipulator and bullshitter, which are great qualities in recruiting a bunch of kids with low self-esteem. He was integral in getting some slutty live-in chicks, and overall did a pretty good job. On the other hand, most rushees with any self-respect were almost immediately turned off by Hargus. Also, he was prone to not helping do anything besides hang out, and would disappear sometimes. I’ll give him a B+.


Welch – pretty funny, sometimes a hard worker, overall did a pretty good job. He is an asshole, which works out sometimes, and not other times. B+


Clint is really the Eric Levine of his class, and I didn’t appreciate his involvement as a rush chair. Rush chair is a position that demand the respect of your brothers. You don’t just give it to a guy because he is responsible and has a plan. What’s next, Lucas Wunch? Anyways, in this scenario I think It worked out ok because the group needed his balance with Hargus involved. Any other year I would say no way – but I’ll give him a B+.


Overall a pretty good year #’s wise, and a pretty kick ass summer. They would get an A, but they focused to hard on trying to get cool guys, and in my opinion changed the entire culture of the fraternity into a bunch of fags. Have you hung out with dudes living at the fraternity lately? It is terrible. Overall score is a B+.


#2 Kevin Hinton, Corey Johnson, and Parker Montgomery


Really the heart and sole of what Delta Chi Fraternity is all about. A rush dream team that put everything they had into a badass summer and rush class.


BigDog –  I probably have to downgrade myself from the A+ I truly deserve due to the amount of time spent with my current wife. Some things are more important than rush, okay assholes? But really a true workhorse on the phones, cleaning, ideas, and beloved by all rushees. Absolutely wonderful at pretending to be a party animal frat dude even though I am a boring guy in a committed relationship. A rush chair all-star on any team. Not to mention I signed like 7 dudes in the spring class before. God damn it I rule at rushing. A


Cojo –. Could only be downgraded for locking me out of my room to have relations with his girlfriend, and sometimes being a bit of a pessimist, but overcome by being all-around all star. Due to the high score I decline to comment further. Solid job A+


Parker provided the conservative/capitalist balance that Corey and I probably needed. Really a zero in personality. Literally had to force him to drink a box of wine before any event. Worked hard and good team member. A Ryan Ingles sign would have put him over the top, but as is gets an A-.


17 dudes, lots of freshman, great class, great summer. Really were going after some blue chip recruits that didn’t all come through due to a lack of firepower from the rest of the frat house in amount of cool dudes. Almost assembled the greatest class ever with some of the guys we were going after, but fell a little short at the end and just ended up being an all around great group. Did sign Delta Chi legend Ryan Face. Overall grade is an A.


#1 – Loren Buchanan, Trevor Sparks, Adam Siegel


I don’t know if you could craft a better group if you could handpick these guys from every class. A true rush Juggernaut.  Signed 21 guys including your truly, Parker, Bobby, Jake the Snake, and a litany of other Delta Chi greats.


Loren beautifully portrayed everything a fraternity man could want to be, and I believe was our entire rush classes idol. He was the epitome of cool, and could have signed me up by himself. A+


Trevor Sparks will always be the mascot of our fraternity to me. In all respects he was outrageous, and at a young 18 years of age I was fascinated by everything about him. I don’t think I was alone. A+


Adam speaks to you with that condescending arrogance that really makes you feel like you have earned something when he offers you a spot in the frat house. He is a powerful Jew, and I was anxious to be associated with him. Plus he had a sweet car, boat, and Jet Ski. I actually might rate Adam as the funniest member in my tenure at the fraternity, and I enjoy everything about him. A+


Overall the greatest rush team assembled to my knowledge. They are the reason I am not a Sig Ep or a Delt, and I will be forever grateful. A+

Opinions are like Nazi Germany…

Posted in CoJo with tags , , , , on Wednesday, June 25 by Cojo

I went for a hike after work today. I decided I was going to use the time alone to try and think of something to write about. I have always really enjoyed writing, but lately I have found it pretty difficult. Today would be the day I actually put a little effort in. After about an hour the realization struck me that I honestly had nothing to say. Nothing. Not a political injustices to thwart or a commentary on some form of social retardation, not even a horribly embellished account of something I sorta did. That got me thinking, “Where did all the ideas go?” I had always been so full of pride will all the theories and philosophies I conjured up or more often than not blatantly plagiarized. I used these ideas to define myself. Without ones ideals and prejudices what is left?

My first thought was that perhaps I was just getting mentally dull with age and social repetition. I mean I am already 25 and a half, maybe I was falling into an early case of the mental atrophy that seems to consume all seniors. There is obviously a day in everyone’s life when they stop having/accepting new thoughts and go with the fall back plan of telling of old irrelevant stories and blind stubbornness. Was it possible my time had just come a few decades to early?

Though still possible after a little more mental investigation this didn’t seem to be the case. Now more than ever I felt a hunger for knowledge. A few years after leaving my formal education behind me I was able to step past being the GPA junky that high school and college had warped me into. I no longer was going through the administrative motions solely to acquire some artificial incentive; I felt I had acquired a genuine interest in learning.

After a little deeper thought it finally dawned on me what is happening. It seems I am losing my ability to hold an opinion. Sure I have opinions on everything, like we all do. There is not an aspect of this world I don’t have some belief on. Work sucks, he’s stupid, I’m right, Seahawks rule, that’s fun, she’s beautiful, that should be legal, that should probably be made illegal. I still have all those racing through my head every second, what has happened though is that I have started realizing how fucking retardedly arbitrary my opinions really are. Nothing I “think” has any real relevance to the reality of the world. It is only my subjective manipulation of the actual facts of the world being manifested as my opinion. I have always grasped opinions in the past because they gave me some form of intellectual leverage over the world that made “me” something. I was always trying to be right and prove my grasp of life. As have spent more time paying attention to myself and being aware of life, not thinking about it but just simple observing it for what it is, it has become more and more apparent to me that all this thought really is is a crude often insecure self shielding way of manipulating the reality of life.

I don’t really know how to end this; I am certainly not trying to come off as though I have figured anything out. Quite the opposite the more time I spent considering life the less it seems to make sense to me. All I am trying to say is that my OPINION is that we are all completely full of shit and we should step back and look at the foundation of our beliefs and see if there really is a foundation at all.

A little joke for our beasttube friends

Posted in CoJo with tags , , on Tuesday, June 24 by Cojo

Another gem from my dad’s email forwards.

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor is asked by the
midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
“I’m afraid I don’t have a husband” she replies.
“OK, Do you have a boyfriend?”, asks the Midwife.
“No, no boyfriend either.”
“Do you have a partner then?”
“No, I’m unattached, I’ll be having my baby on my own.”
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman.
“You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see
her that the baby is black”.
“Well,” replies the girl, “I was very down on my luck, with no money and
nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porno movie. The leading man
was black”.
“Oh,” says the midwife, “it’s really none of my business and I’m sorry that
I have to ask you these awkward questions, but I must also tell you that the
baby has blonde hair”.
“Well yes,” the girl again replies, “you see the co-star in the movie was
this Swedish guy.”
“Oh,” the midwife repeats, “it’s really none of my business and I hate to
pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes”.
“Yes,” continues the girl, “there was a little Chinese man also in the
movie, I really had no choice.”
At this, the midwife collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who
immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum.
The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims,
“Thank God for that!”
“What do you mean?” says the midwife, shocked.
“Well,” says the girl extremely relieved, “I had this horrible feeling that
it was going to bark!”