#3- The incredible effect put into making people live longer and longer. Whenever you see any medical research it is invariably about some way to cure some disease or cancer in the name of extending human life. This certainly seems like a noble cause, doesn’t it? To put it simply No. In the little world that goes on inside my head this seems to be a huge waste of both time and money. In an effort to explain my train of thought I will attempt to make one of those geometric proof we learned in 9th grade.
1) People over the age of 70 are fucking miserable (FACT)*
2) Current medical research efforts are increasing your chances of living beyond 70 (FACT)
3) Therefore, Current medical research is conduit a of misery
4) Misery is widely considered to be a negative trait in our current society (FACT)
5) Things that create negative traits should be avoided (FACT)
6) Therefore, Current medical research should be avoided
Now that this is undeniably proven you may wonder what I would suggest we use our research on. Well that answer is simple: Anything to make you enjoy your 69.999 yrs on this earth as much as possible and secondly humane/hilarious methods of killing yourself at 11:59 on the eve before your 70th birthday.
A few suggestions for enjoying life more…new much crazier drugs, more of those adult go-karts at a more affordable price, new sexual orifices for chicks (stolen from Stanhope), Ice Cream nachos (stolen from Lawson).
I think I may actually sorta belief this shit; have I finally lost my mind?
* You could also do the same proof with: People over the age of 70 are huge fucking drains on our economy and standard of living. A play on the old Eskimo trick of just kicking the old people out of the village when they started getting annoying.